Gender and other social constructs

1. The Perspective  

I need to say first off, that I had great doubts about writing this article. I am not sure if I am capable or entitled to already conclude on an issue this important.This post aims not to reproduce common stereotypes. Gender, sexuality and sexism are controversial in any culture and are often not mentioned at all in Europe as well as in Arab countries. It is a tricky thing to write about as someone who has been raised in a western society that claims to have almost no gender inequality whatsoever. It is more difficult even because the last few years the mainstream media has been painting an obscure image of "the Arab man" as a sexual predator, a macho a woman hater. So I am very likely biased, even though I have spent more time looking at the topic than the average German would. Not all Moroccan men are equal. When we look at society and trends and shapes of it, we need to keep in mind that statistics do not justify to judge upon an individual person or a group. Yet I cannot help but mentioning the topic of gender and sexism, because it is predominantly determining the daily life here.  I decided to write this, not because I want to monger yet more fear or spread common assumptions. I wrote this, because I have been fighting for gender equality in Germany as well and know that Germany too has huge problems with sexism. I wrote this because I need to talk about it and because it may be the one of the most important things in any culture. 

2. Life Planning 

Your options are limited from the start. Being born a girl is not the same as being born a boy. But so far that's true for most girls in most countries. Though the feminist movement has started a discussion here in Morocco as well, the image of the well respected woman looks still quite conservative. The well respected woman is married and has children, both of which she is entitled to take care of. That means that she cares for the children and home, cleans the house and cooks, while her husband works outside to pay the bills. As far as I've noticed men highly a housewifes work though, contrary to most men in the western world. They are mostly grateful for a clean home and food on the table. Men on the other hand are also expected to have a good job and earn money. They are also trapped in their stereotypical gender role. Interestingly enough these rules are checked and nourished by people of the same sex. Women gossip about other women's houses that don't look as clean, and men sometimes say other men are failures when they are unemployed. That pressure is passed down from father to son, from mother to daughter. In the city those stereotypical roles are not executed as strictly, but tend to still influence general life choices still. A lot of women work as chefs or in the cleaning business, while men are taxi drivers, business men or shop owners.

 

 The exception I encountered: meet Fathema. 

 Fathema is the oldest of my host sisters in the morrocan family I live with. As she has 7 siblings and the family depends on most of them to earn money she has a Job and no kids despite being in her midforties. She is engaged now though and will soon be married. When talking to her about the differences of men and women in the working landscape, she agrees with my that too few women are working and that there is no logical reason to stay at home with the kids for most reasons. She recognizes patterns of oppression but decided not to speak up about it too much, especially to her mother who was raised conservatively. Her fiancé, Mustafa, agrees with Fathema. 

3. Marriage 

As mentioned above, marriage is highly valued. That is of course due to religion and the quantity of people abiding to the laws of islam. Most marriages are not arranged as the common belief goes. But there is some pressure on both men and women at a certain age to get married, and sometimes it seems that it doesn't matter to whom as much. Once a person is finally engaged, the marriage takes places within 1-3 months. It is not common practice to express love in form of touch and kisses before the marriage and especially not in public. It is also not common to move out of the parental house before marriage, unless work or studies demand otherwise. Only after the marriage a women usually moves in with her husband. 

The example: meet Khadijah

Khadijah, the youngest of my host sisters is now 33 years old and therefore supposed to get married soon. Though she worksas a teacher in preschool, she is not expected to keep working after getting married. A man from the district is interested in marrying her, and has already been approved by the family. He calls her various times every day trying to convince her to get married. Though Khadijah is clearly not in love and has even declined the proposal once, chances are good that she will end up with Hassan. "He is a good and a kind man" she says and he would take good care of her. Khadijah's mother and sister pressure her to marry soon, because she wants to have children. When she asked her mother if she could just work like Fathema, her mother said no. For her there is still the possibility to start a family, even if it is not with the man she loves. 

4. Gender fluidity 

There is no discussion about gender in morrocan culture. Sex and gender are just expected to be the same here. For both boys and girls, it is very hard, if not impossible to live another gender identity. From early on, they are forced into their gender roles. Girls wear pink and have long hair as a rule. All their toys are made of pink plastic and they almost exclusively play with dolls, kitchen utensils and stuffed animals. On the streets you see only the boys running around and kicking balls. Girls keep to themselves and so do boys. In school the girls wear white or pink uniforms while the boys dress in blue gowns. This separation of gender is continued as the children get older. There are very few intersexual friendships. Most girls don't have male friends and most guys don't usually hang around girls. That means that every encounter between boys and girls is of romantic nature. When a guy just seems to be nice and seems to want friendship, chances are that when you exchange contacts he will flirt or expect some form of romantic engagement. 

My personal experience: meet Amin

Between work and Darija class I mostly have a two hour time window to fill. Sometimes I just drive home and then take a taxi back to Medina, but all the walking and cap driving is much more tiring than just hanging around Medina for some time. I often sit by the river and try to repeat what I've learned in the last lesson then. One day, as I was doing so a young man approaches me. I am all prepared to ignore him, like I do with most men, but he calles me kheta (sister) which is a form of address for friendly encounters and offers to help me study. So he patiently practices the alphabet and vocabulary with me, without ever crossing boundaries and asks a bunch of questions about my country as well as offering information about his. When I leave he asks to stay in touch, so I give him my number. But from the next days he texts me good morning and goodnight everyday and sends kissy and heart emojis. 

5. Sexuality 

Sexuality is culturally completely suppressed. Any form of sexual interaction can only take place after marriage. But as it is often the case when something is socially suppressed, sexuality expresses itself in many ways. This is the part that makes life very exhausting for women. Especially when in public you have to be constantly ignoring people talking to you. Guys will talk to you all the time and try to get your attention by any means. Sometimes they were even follow you around trying to convince you to give them your number. For the more parts of the female body are overly sexualized where as in other cultures it would be non-sexual to show these body parts. Though it can be very tiring to be constantly objectified there is no and speaking up against it. Any sort of conversation or even iContact results in more efforts by the guy. Moroccan women seem to be used to it and don't find it bothering anymore. And on the upside there is a line that man never cross they never try to touch you or act in any other sexual way , it's just flirting.

While heterosexual comments are very present the gay community is nonexistent. Being homosexual in Morocco is very difficult. No one seems to speak about it but people seem to know about it. You can even study gender studies in Rabat, is homosexuality is still illegal by law. That is why the gay community has to hide and keep secret. Gay men have it especially hard because there are perceived as less male which confuses gender and sexuality. 

My personal experience: how Ahmed met me

When I was walking home the young man approached me. He introduced himself and didn't even ask for my name just told me that I was beautiful. I reacted to those kind of comments as I always do: I stared ahead and kept walking. But unlike than other men he wouldn't leave. He kept walking with me and tried to start a conversation. I told him at first politely but then more pressing that I was not interested. It didn't seem too upset him , he expected this answer. He had probably gotten that a few times before and instead he just asked me why I wouldn't give him my number. At first I said that I just didn't want to. That's not a reason he said. I told him I didn't need another reason than just not wanting to. The concept of a woman's " no" being enough didn't seem familiar to him . So I only got rid of him after 15 minutes of discussing by saying that I was engaged.

6. Local Feminism 

After several rape attacks took place in the cities of morocco a strong feminist movement took its uprising. At first the group is just trying to prevent rape from happening and later they fight against victim blaming. But soon as the community connected internationally the topics of discussion shifted. Surprisingly a discussion sparked about the hijab as a sign of male oppression. I find this remarkable in a country with a Muslim majority population of 95 percent. There have been similar discussions about niqab and burka before, but the hijab seemed always just as an expression of faith. The modern Moroccan feminist community however seems to have adopted that topic completely. You probably won't find many feminist hijabis who would label themselves feminists. As a result feminism has become unavailable to those who are religious or conservatively raised. This division has significantly weakened the movement itself. 

The narrative : meet Karima. 

On the rooftop of the office I meet a young woman . Karima  is 23 years old and currently studying English literature. We chat a bit and finally arrive at the interesting topics. We talk about society, about her family and finally about news and politics. She seems to have an opinion on everything, so I'm not surprised when she tells me about the latest feminist protest after a disabled women was raped on the bus. She says that it is horrible but when I ask her if she would describe herself as a feminist she goes quiet for a bit. Karima is hijab. She tells me that to her feminism means that every woman can execute her free will as she likes, just like men. She says she wants to be a feminist but she is also deeply religious. " In Morocco you can't be in both groups. When a Moroccan feminist looks at me all she will see is my hijab as a form of male oppression. But I am not oppressed, I just do whatever the fuck I want."